Week 10--Having Charity

In the readings from Dr. John Gottman this week, he talks about accepting yourself and your own flaws and what a positive effect that can have on your marriage. He talks about an “Exercise in thanksgiving” or trying to change from being critical to being more positive towards your partner and everything else around you. Obviously, that’s going to be hard for some people <raising my hand> but I believe that taking the time to do an exercise like this will help improve the relationships we are in, whether they be with a spouse, a child, or even a coworker. We will (hopefully) be able to see things in a positive light rather than a negative one. In that exercise, he also suggests taking a week and offering at least one heartfelt praise each day. Can you imagine how you would feel if your spouse complimented you at least once a day? Now, can you imagine your spouse feeling that as well?

In H. Wallace Goddard’s book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage” he talks about charity; what it is, how we can feel that in our lives, and what it can do for our marriages. Charity is the pure love of Christ, but what exactly does that mean? He talks about what Charity is not, “It is not artificial good cheer. It is not a thin veneer of politeness on a distressed soul. It is not holding our tongues while judging and resenting others.” (p. 113) That last line really made me stop and think, because that sounds just like me! I tend to judge people around me and have at one time or another thought I was being charitable by not sharing my judgy opinion. The most charitable thing would to have the love in my heart for others so I didn’t have those judgy opinions.

Source

Charity is seeing others as Christ sees them and treating them the way Christ would treat them. Sadly, that is definitely not the norm at my house, with my children or my spouse. This is an area that I need to work on daily!

Goddard included some keys to charity. They include being “humble enough to recognize our own failings, having “faith unto repentance”, and trusting “Jesus enough to be willing to run to him with our sins, begging for His help with managing our mortal selves and changing our natures.”

Charity is something we always need to be working on. Having charity as a focus in our lives will improve all of our relationships. As this is the start of the holiday season and Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner, I hope we all can take this opportunity to reevaluate our relationships, especially our marriages, and make sure we have charity towards others. Participating in Gottman’s thanksgiving exercise would be a great thing to do now…and every day!

References
Goddard, H. W. (2009) Drawing heaven into your marriage: Eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap.
Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (2015) The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York, NY: Harmony Books.