Week 11--Overcoming Selfishness

A quote from one article I read this week really stuck out to me. From They twain shall be one:Thoughts on intimacy in marriage by Brent Barlow, he said, talking of intimacy in marriage, 

“One great problems in this, as in all other aspects of marriage, is selfishness. I doubt that there is any human relationship better than marriage to teach us the need for Christlike love—that unqualified and unconditional love that persuades us to think more of another than we think of ourselves. Yet few of us, even those of us in a seemingly good marriage, have learned to do this as well as we could or should.”

It’s amazing the damage that selfishness can to do a relationship. Being selfish means that I am thinking more about me (What’s good for me? Where’s the benefit for me?) than thinking about what is good for my spouse and/or our relationship. Even regarding intimacy between a husband and wife, selfishness can damage a relationship. Again, from Brent Barlow, 

“When it comes to sexuality, some wives become very concerned about their “rights,” often speaking of their “right” to say no and yes. But marriage is also a relationship of responsibility and opportunity. In marriage, both partners have the opportunity to give. I believe few wives realize the power they have to help keep their husbands near them physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. On the other hand, I also believe few wives sense the degree of frustration and alienation husbands feel when a wife ignores his needs and interests. I believe a wise and loving Heavenly Father has given a wife the ability to achieve oneness with her husband. The key is unselfishness.”

As a wife, this really hit me hard. Am I being unselfish in my relationship with my husband? There is always room to improve, but this may be an area that I really need to work on. I do tend to be more of a “think of myself first” kind of person, which is never good for a relationship.

My husband and I celebrated our 24^th anniversary last August. Wow, 24 years. Some days it seems like we’ve been together forever and other days I think there is no way it’s been that long!

Even after 24 years, there are still threats to our marriage. If we aren’t making sure we guard against them there is a possibility that we may be set on a path that will take us somewhere we never intended to go.

Source

H. Wallace Goddard addressed some ways to guard against threats to our marriage, specifically infidelity. I don’t think anyone starts out thinking, “I’m going to be unfaithful to my spouse”, it happens through seemingly innocent interactions that progress to something unintended. Some of the guidelines Goddard sets out include:

*Never make excuses to spend time alone with a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse. Guard the level of emotional intimacy you build with a non-spouse.

*Take for responsibility for the messages that you give. You do not have the right to be “cute” or flirty with anyone but your spouse.

*Spend more enjoyable time with your spouse. Find ways to improve your relationship.

*Celebrate the sweet gift of companionship…Each of us should rejoice in the sacred gift of spousal trust. If we have squandered ay part of it, we should work to re-qualify for it.

This really made me stop and think about my relationship with my husband. Yes, things have improved throughout this semester, but it makes me sad that there was than much room for things to improve. Why wasn’t I already working on these things. It is easy to see that Satan doesn’t have to actively work to destroy our relationships. Sometimes, just by being lazy in our relationships we are opening the door to something we may not want. Goddard quotes a colleague of his in saying, “The grass is greener on the side of the fence you water.” I think when things get hard we all try to look for that greener grass, but we need to work on watering our own grass before we seek out something “better.”