There was a lot of interesting material to read in my marriage
class this week, but through all that the main theme I caught was UNITY. Unity
in our marriages and unity in our families.
President Eyring, in a talk entitled That
we may be one, addressed unity between a husband and wife. He said,
“…At the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope, it was a command! … Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”
Our Heavenly Father expects us to have unity in our
marriages. Of course, this fallen world and our fallen natures does not make
that easy. Satan certainly knows when, where, and how to try us. We need to
work hard to overcome the natural man in us and follow Christ’s example.
Again, from President Eyring,
“The Savior of the world spoke of that unity and how we will have our natures changed to make it possible. He taught it clearly in the prayer He gave in His last meeting with His Apostles before His death…We see in His words the way families will be made one, as will all the children of our Heavenly Father who follow the Savior and His servants:
“As thou hast sent me into the
world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
“And for their sakes I sanctify
myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
“Neither pray I for these alone,
but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;
“That they all may be one; as thou,
Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the
world may believe that thou hast sent me” (John
17:18–21).
In those few words, He made clear how the gospel of Jesus Christ can allow hearts to be made one. Those who would believe the truth He taught could accept the ordinances and the covenants offered by His authorized servants. Then, through obedience to those ordinances and covenants, their natures would be changed. The Savior’s Atonement in that way makes it possible for us to be sanctified. We can then live in unity, as we must to have peace in this life and to dwell with the Father and His Son in eternity.”
Are we really surprised that it all comes back to the
Atonement? Through the atonement our nature can be changed. Honestly, after the
last few days I could really use a change! Luckily, it’s not anything to do
with my marriage or my family, but there have been a couple of incidents that I
really could’ve handled better.
Well, moving on from that…reading about power relationships
in families really opened my eyes. My husband and I are doing things mostly
right, but we certainly could use a tweak or two. Reading from Richard Miller’s
article, Who is the Boss? Power
relationships in families, one line immediately jumped out at me. He says,
“Issues regarding power are at the root of many family problems.” Wow, I wonder
how many struggling families realize that? I’m sure most people on the outside
looking in can see that, but when you are in the midst of a struggle, it that
easy to see?
Richard Miller also talks about how parents need to be
unified. I’m sure anyone reading this who has kids has seen how they can take
advantage of parents not being unified. Children are masters of pitting one
parent against another. Miller says, “It is vital that parents support each
other in the presence of their children.” Of course, parents aren’t always
going to agree, but if it has something to do with the children, have your
disagreement away from them and present a united front when in front of them.
Personally, although the children may not always agree with the parent’s
decision, I think it reassures them when the parents agree on things, even if
it isn’t what the children want.
My husband and I have struggled with how much we do or do
not fight in front of the kids. My husband grew up in a family where he never
saw his parents have a disagreement. I really think his parents did their
children a disservice by doing that. Children need to see that parents can
disagree and they can resolve things. They can still love each other even when
they don’t “like” each other at the moment. My husband and I struggled to find
the right was to argue and resolve things early on in our marriage. Actually,
we still have hiccups along the way but we do let our kids see us trying to
resolve conflict…just not conflict about them!
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One final thought. A husband and wife should act as equal
partners. We have all heard that before. The husband is not over the wife, nor
is the wife over the husband. If we are striving for unity, an equal
partnership will be inevitable. That should be what every couple wants in their
lives and for their family.
Reference
Richard B. Miller, “Who Is the Boss? Power
Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young
University, March 28, 2009.
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